photography joke

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate > father to start their family. > > > > On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye > and said, "Well, I'm off now the man should be here soon." > > Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer > happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. > > Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...'' > > " Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been > expecting you." > > "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know > babies are my specialty?" > > "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a > > seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" > > "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, > and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is > fun. You can really spread out there." > > "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!" > > "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try > several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure > you'll be pleased with the results." > > "My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith. > > "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and > out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that." > > "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly. > > The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby > pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said. > > "Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. > > "And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their > mother was so difficult to work with." > > "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. > > "Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to the park to get the job > done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good > look" > > "Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. > > "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. > > The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly > concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. > > Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to > pack it all in." > > Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, > uh...equipment?" > > "It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we > can get to work right away." > > "Tripod?" > > "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too > big to be held in the hand very long." > > Mrs. Smith fainted >